Whispers in the Dark
by Kylenne
Summary: -FFIV- As Cecil and his friends plunge through the treacherous Lunar Subterrane to face Zemus, Kain is faced with another test. Yaoi: implied Golbez x Kain, Kain x Cecil. Hints of Kain x Cecil x Rosa.
1. Chapter 1

Kain shot down out of the air like a perfectly aimed javelin, shouting an ear-splitting cry as his spear plunged into the hide of the beast, piercing its heart. It gave one last shriek and then shuddered, silent and still. His heart pounding in his chest from the adrenaline of battle, he yanked the spear free and spun around. Edge was pinned to the southern cave wall by a pair of those bizarre Amazon creatures that dogged their steps upstairs. His katanas whirled; the young ninja parried the monsters' measured thrusts with ease, but could not seem to find an opening to press an offense. Kain rushed to his aid, but there was no need. Just as he braced to take another leap, a single arrow whistled past him and flew through the throat of one, causing her to gurgle and collapse, while the second's head was sent flying by Cecil's gleaming Dwarf-forged holy blade, her body crumpling into a heap at his feet.

"Is everyone alright?" Rosa panted, lowering her bow only slightly, her eyes darting about in a wary fashion.

"I am now," Edge chuckled, kicking the corpse of one of his assailants. "I don't think _she_ is, though. Thanks, Rosa."

"You're welcome. I'm not terribly concerned with her, though," Rosa giggled nervously. Rydia, who was standing off to the side beside her, appeared rather haggard, Kain thought. He knew nothing of the magical arts, but she _had_ been flinging spells at a break neck pace, and exhaustion was etched across her youthful face. The girl was powerful, but she was still human.

"Are you well, Rydia?" Edge gave her a concerned frown, apparently thinking the same thing. She smiled wanly at him, and nodded.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm just tired, is all."

Cecil wiped Excalibur off before sheathing it, and looked around warily, his knight's eyes still sharp and alert. "There will be time for rest later," he said, "if we can find a safe place. But we need to keep moving. We dare not dally here any longer, with what's creeping about."

"Agreed," Kain said. They formed up once more, Edge scouting just slightly ahead of them on point, and followed Cecil down the narrow staircase to descend even further into the deep.

It was far too simple to lose track of time there, in the endless, spiraling dark. Was it mere hours, days or weeks that they had been traversing this barren landscape of rock and broken temple columns? Kain hadn't the faintest idea. All he knew was that it was becoming a blur, a never-ending blur of enormous amphitheaters of stone, silvery blue-grey walls and fighting creatures that were the stuff of nightmare, each one stronger, more bizarre than the last. Above all it was so confining; Kain found himself longing to see the sky, and feared that with each step further they took, penetrating deeper into that forsaken Lunar abyss towards its heart, he might never see it again.

_You won't, you realize._

It was a faint, insidious whisper. Were he not utterly paying attention to every movement and every sound, he may well have believed it to be a creature's movements echoing off the cavern walls. However, Kain _was_ paying attention. He'd been waiting for it; it had been strangely silent since FuSoYa broke its grip over his master's--that is to say, Golbez's mind (why was he _still_ calling him Master, even now?). Kain knew it would not be banished so simply. It was never that easy. And now that he knew with perfect certainty that it was not the voice of Golbez, he felt emboldened.

_Shut up_. Kain spat the thought back at him, pouring every ounce of hatred and scorn he felt into those two simple words.

_You'd like that, wouldn't you, boy? My presence here must be_ so _very painful._

_Mine will be far more painful to you 'ere we reach the Core, you filthy son-of-a-bitch!_

_Such unpleasant words, boy. You should mind your tongue._

_And you should mind yours. I am no mere boy, and your presence is neither welcomed nor desired here. Go play with someone else._

_Oh, but I am. Look around you._

Kain turned and glanced back at his friends. All of them wore distant expressions, eyes haunted as though their minds were far astray, dwelling on thoughts that were painful, memories which still burned their souls. Sinister laughter echoed throughout the vaults of Kain's mind, and he scowled.

_Leave them alone, you bastard._

_You still care for them, after all they've put you through? Cecil, who plays the shining white knight now, yet has not asked you once how you are feeling? After what he drove you to do?_

_I...I bear Cecil no ill will. It was I who wronged him. He is blameless._

_The Great Sir Kain Highwind, Lord Commander of the Knight Dragoons of Baron, reduced to the simpering sycophant of a half-breed traitor to the Crown, and his buxom strumpet. How pitiable. How pathetic, that you truly believe they are your friends. That anyone could love one such as you, who has fallen so low._

_SHUT. UP._ Kain clenched his teeth, swiping at his eyes with gauntleted fists, almost as if to beat back the tears that were forming. _You know nothing of love or friendship. NOTHING._

_I know the true reason you desire that harlot, and why she laughs even as she scorns you. I know that you hate her because she represents what you will never have._

_I--I could never hate Rosa!_

_They all laugh at you, you realize? Because they know what I know. They can see what I have seen. What Golbez saw when you knelt so reverently before him, as if he were an altar. What even Barbariccia saw, when you screamed her name as you lie together--_

_ENOUGH!_ Kain bellowed in his mind, bending every ounce of his will and focusing it toward banishing that horrible voice and its hollow mockeries. He would not lose himself again. Not now, not so close, not when everything was riding on what they set out to do when they stepped into the light of the Crystals and were driven to this terrible place. Not with the prayers of those left behind floating through the starry heavens to give them strength. Kain Highwind was not going to fail, this time. He would not betray those he loved most again, not when it mattered most. _You hold power over me no longer, foul sorcerer! Be gone, Zemus!_

Then, as suddenly as it came, the voice went silent.

"...Kain? Are you alright?" Rosa was frowning at him, her brow furrowed with worry.

"...I'm fine," he lied, and stepped up his pace.

It was some time later--how much later, Kain could not fathom--when they came across a narrow corridor lined with doors. Cecil raised a hand, motioning for them to stop, and they did so, drawing their weapons. Instinctively, Kain hovered protectively over Rosa, his gauntleted fist gripping Gungnir tightly, keeping an eye on the passage behind them. It was far too quiet for his mind, and there was no telling what manner of subterfuge Zemus had planned. Cecil waved Edge forward in a silent request, and the ninja nodded. He gingerly stepped forward to round the corner, his silent footsteps leaving no evidence of his passage, and put his ear to the first door.

"Well?" Kain whispered, his Dragon-crested helmet obscuring the eyebrow he raised questioningly.

"Sounds empty," Edge mouthed back. He gently, slowly pushed open the enormous iron door, and slipped through. It was a tense moment while Kain and the others waited, but finally he emerged, flinging the door all the way open. He bowed grandiosely. "Ladies and gents, our palace awaits. Room's protected by one of those shelter glyphs." There was a collective sigh of relief, and they stepped forward to join him. Edge suddenly grinned at Rydia, his eyes twinkling. "Looks like you'll be able to catch that nap after all, Ryds. Want me to tuck you in?"

"Oh, shut up, Edge," Rydia muttered, pushing past him.

"Can I interest you in a foot rub, then? Bubble bath, maybe?"

"Shut up, Edge." That time, it was everyone.


	2. Chapter 2

Kain knew on an intellectual level that there was no real need to keep watch. The same Lunarian magic which created the dimensional pocket that he and his friends now rested in--the small, even quaint three room cottage that unfolded from a small disc in Cecil's hand--was the same powerful magic which infused the rune-covered menhirs that surrounded them. The menhirs, placed at the cardinal points of the glyph, were a ward against evil and ensured that no harm would come to anyone in the room. Golbez himself had explained it to him on any number of occasions. However, Kain Highwind was no sorcerer. Kain Highwind was a soldier. And a soldier's instinct said that one kept watch in a dangerous place, no matter how much appearances might deem it otherwise. So Kain sat just inside the front door of the cottage, Gungnir at the ready. It's not as if he could sleep, anyway, much less wanted to. He kept watch against the nightmares as much as against any foul Lunar creature.

"Kain?" Cecil's voice was low, so low that he barely heard it in the quiet of the room. He sounded mildly shocked.

"Yes?"

"Good Lord, man. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I'm on watch."

Kain could hear Cecil doubled over in silent laughter, and then his friend warmly clasped him on the shoulder. "I don't think anything will attack the cottage, Kain."

Kain shuddered and pulled back from his touch. It wasn't as though it were unpleasant. Quite the contrary. But Kain could ill afford such thoughts, not with Zemus lurking about like a skulking thief in the shadows of his mind. "...I don't want to take the chance."

There was a long, awkward pause, and then Cecil spoke again. "Do you want some tea? It may help settle your nerves, and Rosa left the kettle on the fire."

Despite his better judgement, Kain nodded in the affirmative. Tea _did_ sound rather good at the moment. Leaning his spear against the door, he followed Cecil over to the fireplace and eased down onto the soft blankets on the floor, then removed his helmet and gauntlets. The fire, merrily burning without any wood at all, was warm and inviting. The days of hard travel seemed to catch up with him then, and the warmth of the fire seemed to leech the weariness out of his very bones. Kain watched as Cecil steeped leaves in a pair of small earthenware cups, then handed one to him. The steam was fragrant, with a hint of spice.

"Edward gave us that in Kaipo. Damcyanese men usually drink it in the mornings while the women are at the wells gathering water," Cecil explained. "It's unusual, but good. It sort of tastes like spice cake in a cup."

Kain nodded, and took a sip. It _was_ strange, quite unlike Baronian tea; almost cinnamon-like, but it was indeed quite good. Then he frowned. "Edward?" he said, looking over at Cecil in confusion as he sat down next to him.

"You remember him, don't you? He's a bard, the Prince of Damcyan. He--" Cecil suddenly stopped in mid-sentence and pursed his lips into a frown. "Oh, that's right. You never really met him, he was with us while you were..."

Cecil let the sentence trail off, and it seemed to Kain as though he were too afraid to complete it. There were a thousand ways it could have ended, and none of them were pleasant. He lowered his eyes and sighed instead, choosing to sip his tea rather than invoke those memories. All things considered, Kain agreed with that decision, and drank from his own cup in silence rather than complete it.

It was back, then, to the distance that had grown between them. A wall had slowly erected itself between them over the past few years, bit by bit, and now it seemed as though it were insurmountable. It may as well have been the Tower of Babel, and it didn't begin with what happened in the Misty Valley. Cecil had his responsibilities as Lord Captain of the Red Wings; Kain had his as commander of the Dragoons. It was a simple, convenient excuse to say that they had grown apart because of their duties. But Kain knew why. Because even as Kain spent less and less time with them, Cecil and Rosa were together more and more often, alone. Where it was once always three, there was now two. Kain no longer knew where he fit in. Perhaps he no longer wanted to. And that, more than anything, was why he was so ripe for manipulation. It was a sign of his weakness. He sighed, and sipped his tea.

"...what's going on, Kain?" Cecil asked, his voice tinged with a bit of helplessness. "I see you here but you feel like you're worlds away." He reached for Kain's hand, but the Dragoon snatched it away.

"What does it matter?" Kain snapped, and the words came out harsher than he intended.

"It matters because I care about you. You're my best friend. I hate to see you in such pain," Cecil replied. Kain felt his friend's eyes boring into him, and kept his own firmly focused on his tea. He always wilted, crumbled in the face of that particular stare, ever since they were children.

"I'm fine, Cecil."

"You're a horrible liar, you know. You always have been." Out of the corner of his eye, Kain saw Cecil shake his head in frustration. "You aren't sleeping. You've barely eaten anything. And you refuse to take this off." Cecil tapped Kain's shoulder plate. "You can't fool me, Kain. You're not armoring yourself against monsters. You're armoring yourself against us, your friends."

Kain drained his cup, and rose to his feet. This was precisely the sort of thing he didn't need right then. At all. None of them needed it, least of all Cecil, who was dealing with his own monumental problems. This was a distraction from Zemus to keep them off-balance, to take their eyes and their focus off the mission.

"Well, Cecil, if you want me to sleep, I will take my armor off and go to sleep. Right now. I don't have anything else I want to discuss." He began peeling off the armor in irritation, tossing it in the corner of the room with thud after thud.

"Be still, you're going to wake the others," Cecil hissed angrily up at him.

"Good. They can keep you company."

"Damn you, Kain! Why must you be so confoundedly stubborn?"

Kain angrily sat back on the floor, roughly grabbing Cecil by the shoulders. "What the bloody hell do you want from me, Cecil? What?"

"What do I want? I want my damned best friend back," Cecil hissed through clenched teeth. "I have gone through Hell and back without him, and I need him!" he cried. "Hang it all, Kain! _I need you._ I need your strength to get through all this."

Kain froze and let his hands drop away from Cecil's shoulders, watching hot tears stream down his pale cheeks as a storm of raw emotion played across his face. His words hit him harder than a kick to the gut; Kain felt winded, unable to speak, simply watching Cecil collapse into a shaking mess of tears. Kain didn't know what to do, or what to say. All he could do was watch Cecil's pain flow out. He'd never seen him in such a state. After several moments, his crying subsided, and he wiped his eyes. Cecil stared listlessly into the fire. "Odin, my father, he's gone. He's been gone for so long and I don't even know when it happened. I never got to say goodbye, or thank him for what he's done for me," he said quietly. "The fiend that took his place...I did terrible things in his name, things I knew were wrong. But I was too cowardly to question it. And the man I've been fighting, the man who nearly killed the woman I love is the brother I never knew. I don't know what any of it means, if all this has been for naught and my last blood family lies dead in the Core. And there is no one I dare speak of these things with."

"But, you have Rose..."

"I would not burden her with this. She's been through so much already." Cecil tilted his head, smiling sadly at Kain. "Do you know something, Kain? I feel as though I'm floating adrift, because my mooring's left me. Even now, it lies just out of reach. And I'm quite helpless."

Kain was rendered speechless by the implication of his friend's words. _He_ was Cecil's mooring? Kain, that profound mess of pent up anger and frustration? He could barely keep himself together--indeed, he couldn't, as had been proven over and over and over again over the past few months.

"...I can't be that for you, Cess. I can't," Kain replied in a hushed tone, unconsciously reverting to the use of the childhood nickname, so lost was he in thought. "I can't be that for anyone. I'm not strong enough."

He realized then what it was, watching the warm golden glow of the fire flickering in Cecil's violet eyes. It was not precisely a realization, more that he finally gave himself permission to admit just what it was he felt, what compelled him to stay away, and why he never once spoke of his time with Golbez. Kain could never be that rock of support for Cecil again, because it hurt too much. That closeness, that level of intimacy--it was painful. Even this, sitting before a fire in the godsforsaken Lunar Subterrane, was too much. It was too much because Kain knew that when the night--or whatever it was--was over, that was all it would be. Nothing more. Nothing that he wanted. Better the wall, then, than crossing that bridge to find there was still a chasm a mile across.

Kain suddenly felt quite bitter.

"What's happened to us, Kain?" Cecil bowed his head. "Why can't things be as they were?"

"Because we aren't as we were. We're too different, now."

"If the worst should happen down below, if we were to fail--"

"We won't."

"Confide in me, Kain. If you cannot be my rock of support, I would at least be yours. You mean that much to--"

"Stop it," Kain interjected, his voice broken. "Please," he said, softer that time, his heart in his throat. "Stop it."

"Why? I've forgiven you for what you've done. You were blameless. Please, let me help you. I still care about you."

"You have no idea what you ask of me."

"I just..." Cecil sighed. "I just don't want things to end this way, regardless of the outcome in the Core. I want to go into this battle knowing my best friend is at my side."

"Of course I am," Kain protested.

"Then let me in. Share your burdens with me. I've shared mine with you, and they are already a bit lighter. At the very least, you'll go in with a clear head--one that can't be tampered with."

Kain had to admit that Cecil made a very good point. Was he...was all this brooding a liability? Was this what made him so easy for Zemus to manipulate? His palms were sweating, and he was shaking. He sighed, and took a deep breath, steeling himself. If nothing else, Cecil deserved to know the truth. He owed him that much. What he did with it was up to him.

Kain leaned over, took Cecil's chin into a shaking hand, and pressed his lips against his friend's. They were softer than he'd imagined them to be, much softer. He could feel Cecil tense up, perhaps from shock, but to Kain's great surprise, he was not pushed away. He pulled back, and stared at Cecil, who stared back at him in wide-eyed amazement.

"That," Kain whispered, "is the burden I bear. And that is why I can't share it with you."

"Kain...gods above. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For making you suffer so needlessly for so long."

It was Kain's turn to be stunned, when Cecil moved in close, taking him gently into his arms and kissed him deeply. Kain closed his eyes and melted into Cecil's body in bemused disbelief, some part of his mind screaming at him that this was all wrong and had to be some trick of Golbez's. There was no way this could possibly be happening, no way that Cecil could be untying the band from his long blond ponytail and letting his calloused fingers tangle in it. Kain felt as if his heart would burst out of his chest, and Cecil finally stopped for air, only pulling away to rest his brow against Kain's so that the closeness would not be severed.

"My gods, Cecil," Kain breathed, reeling from the passion, the hunger in that kiss. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was like nothing he ever could of dreamed or imagined. It was far better than any of the thousands of pictures his mind concocted--that Golbez, or rather Zemus, had painted for him.

"I was such a coward, Kain," Cecil said softly. "My heart was so neatly divided in two. And, all this time..."

"It was I who was the coward," Kain gently retorted. "I feared what you would think of me. What Rose would think."

"Do you love her, Kain? Truly?" Cecil asked him, his heart in his voice. "I would know."

Kain paused, carefully considering Cecil's question. For so long he'd been consumed by thoughts of her, for so long he'd been convinced that she was all he ever wanted...but what Golbez said, what Zemus said--that it was merely cover for the twisted desire he had for Cecil, that his love for Rosa was not for the woman but merely for what she was, what she possessed. However, sitting there, in the firelight, Kain finally realized that was false. _A heart divided in two..._ he thought to himself, and almost wanted to laugh from the tragic irony of it all. His sadness, his anger and frustration, not knowing what role he played any longer in their lives...he understood it then, for perhaps the first time. He was not jealous of Cecil, he was jealous of what he thought he could no longer be a part of. He was angry because he felt shut out of their love.

"Yes," Kain finally answered. "I love Rosa. I love you both, I desire you both. With all my soul. Is it truly so wrong or terrible?"

"No," Cecil breathed, smiling. "But if it _is_ wrong, then I share in your sin."

Kain wrapped his arms about Cecil and kissed him soundly, parting his lips with his tongue. He ran his fingers through Cecil's beautiful silver hair, and it felt like silk in his hands. Cecil's own hands wandered, caressing Kain's back until they rested on his hips. Kain came up for air, and flashed him a saucy grin. "I had dreams about this when I was fourteen, you know," he chuckled. Cecil returned his grin with a rather wolfish one of his own.

"I still do."

Kain laughed, and embraced him tightly. He hunched down and rested his head on Cecil's shoulder. "What does all this mean, though?" he asked in all seriousness.

"What we want it to mean," Cecil replied softly, stroking his back. "The future holds no guarantees for any of us. For anything."

"...what do you want, then?"

"Tonight? I want to forget about everything, for just one night," Cecil confessed, rubbing Kain's back. "For one moment in time. I don't want to think about what tomorrow means, just this once. I want to let go of it--all of it. And then tomorrow, I want to strap on my armor and bear my sword for whatever lies waiting for us at the Core. I want to find my brother alive. I want to face Zemus knowing that I have no regrets because the woman--and man--I love are at my side. And then I want to go home."

Kain smiled, and kissed Cecil's shoulder, then planted smaller kisses on his neck, gently pushing him back unto the floor. "One thing at a time, hmm?" Kain mumbled.

EPILOGUE

Rosa was still a bit chilly, it seemed; she hadn't truly been warm since they arrived on the Red Moon. So it was that she gathered her robe about her and went to the other room to put on a kettle, since, as far as her body could tell, it was nearly morning. Her notion of time was still so fuzzy there, so she hoped her internal clock was correct. She paused at the threshold, however, frozen in her tracks by what she saw in the center of the floor by the still merrily burning fire. It was a mess of tangled, naked limbs, blankets, and disheveled hair that strangely resembled Kain and Cecil.

...Kain and Cecil? Rosa blinked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Surely that couldn't have been--

A brief snore erupted from the pile, followed by a yawn, and one half of the pile rolled over with fully most of the blankets. Oh, that was most definitely Kain and Cecil, alright. Rosa knew that sound anywhere; "the Dragoon's Roar", they called it when they were all children and would sneak away to spend the night in the forest.

And that blanket stealing. She was intimately, all too familiar with that blanket stealing.

Rosa broke into quiet heaves, trying desperately not to laugh so loud that she woke them up. That was a nigh impossibility, however, for she knew those two all too well. Kain slept like the dead, and Cecil was no better. _My boys_, she thought wistfully as she smiled down on them, wiping tears of mirth from her sleepy eyes. _My silly, silly boys._

_Honestly. It's about bloody time._


End file.
